The Ultimate Editor

Once Chloe hit the 6-month mark, I found myself feeling a little restless for some intellectual stimulation beyond the baby-talk and everyday chores of being a stay-at-home mom. Make no mistake, being at home with a baby is a lot of work and it wasn't that I was bored because I didn't have enough to do. Yet I wanted to have something that was not mothering-related and something that would reclaim that sense of just being me-as-me and not me-as-mom or me-as-wife. Those of you who know me know that I am a bit of a nerd (and a grammar nazi), and so I thought it would be great to do something writing-related. I am not much of a creative writer, but I enjoy academic writing, and my sister suggested I post an ad on kijiji/craigslist for academic editing services. I didn't even know such services existed and that people looked for them, but sure enough, they do!

Two and a half years later, I've edited over 200 projects, big and small. The topics have run the gamut, from engineering papers on constructing bridges to comparative analyses of two novels to admission essays for school, and many many things in between. There have been some really bad essays with grammars that is wrong (that was on purpose, guys), as well as essays that have all the right content but present ideas in a mishmash that go from Point A to D then B and back to A. My job each time is to work with what is given and clean it up, organize it, and make it into a piece of writing that a reader can understand and take something away from.

I know for many of you, essay writing probably sounds like something you are thankful you never have to do again once you finish school, but I can say that I sincerely love it. At least I love the editing part of it. The researching and writing part can be tedious (which is why I don't do that for any of my clients. Plus it would be cheating! Strictly editing only!) but the process of taking a messy, incoherent piece of writing and making it into something that sounds intelligent and makes the main message(s) of the writer clear -- I get such satisfaction from it. I've also learned about so many interesting topics along the way that I most likely would never come across in my everyday life or in the field I've majored in.

The whole process also makes me think of God, who is occasionally called "the Author" but whom I'd like to give the moniker "the Ultimate Editor". He gives us the free will to write out the story of our lives for the most part -- we can make decisions about the characters we want to include, the tone of the story, the details of what happens when, and so forth. Sure, there are many things we cannot control in our story either and parameters we have to work within, but we can decide on a great deal of the content ourselves and decide how to arrange the sequence of events. And I think that often, our lives turn out to be a mishmash of good and bad decisions, of small and big errors, and a confusion of points. When we let the Editor do his work though, we are better able to see the logical structure in it and the main message that the story is intended to tell. It'll make a lot more sense!

My favorite weekend of the year!

Observation #20: A cottage trip is a MUST at least once a year. 

Starting from last summer (2011), my favorite weekend of the year is no longer Christmas or Thanksgiving or any other holiday for that matter (though I do love all the presents and good food) but is now what is becoming an "annual couples cottage trip weekend". We had our second one this year up in Georgina with four other of my fave couple friends. Chloe and Justis are as of yet the only kids but Han Jr. is currently growing in Mama Sarah's belly, so next year there will be three kids! The plan is to add one kid each year. ;)

This year it was definitely a bit chillier than the last trip so there was less outdoorsy stuff but that just meant more time for my FAVORITE word games - taboo and bananagrams! Oh my, was I ever into it! I had so much fun - possibly the most out of the group. I am totally not athletic but make up for competitiveness when it comes to word games...

But the best part of our cottage trip was not the games or the amazing food (Korean BBQ, fried pork belly, hot dogs and burgers, fresh baked brownies), or the fact that the lake was right in our backyard, but the sharing we always get to do as couples. It was great being able to talk late into the night about the ups and downs of marriage and whatever else is going on in our lives. It's almost like a couples retreat, the amount of open discussion we can have (some venting going on as well) without feeling defensive or worried about being judged. It's wonderful and I know at the end of it all, we are all so encouraged and inspired to make our relationships even stronger. And it's funny to see the unique dynamics we have in our relationships, some people more like others (I apparently have a lot in common with some of the husbands!).

So, thank you friends for another amazing cottage trip. Looking forward to our third one next year!

(Missing in the pic: Sarah, Will and Hugh. I will have to figure out how to photoshop you guys in....)

Little pockets of free time

Observation #19: You have to savor the little pockets of free time...

I would say one of the biggest changes in my life right now is that I am pretty much at the beck and call of my newborn, meaning if he has to feed, then I have to drop what I am doing and feed him; if he needs to be held, then the longest I (or Kevin) can ignore him is probably about 2 minutes - until his whimpering turns into a full out cry; if I hear the rumble(s) of poop coming from his direction, then my conscience won't let me go too long without changing his diaper. This will hopefully change in a few weeks, or maybe a few months, but for now, Justis is only a month old so I can't blame him for being so needy.

And of course there's the 2-year old...

So free time (meaning just time for myself to do stuff unrelated to baby/toddler/cooking/cleaning) is obviously rare and when it comes, often short. Case in point, it has taken me a span of 3 days to reply to a friend's email. Each day I have gotten about a paragraph and a half in. Another example: I started doing Jillian Michael's 30-day Shred, which is a 20-minute workout program, and it took me 3 tries to finish the video today because I kept getting interrupted. Right now I am having an unusually longer pocket of free time (hence the blogging), and I am trying to remind myself to savor this time. And just even enjoy doing nothing, instead of trying to fill it with more to-do's.

So I will keep this entry short and just relax....... until Justis cries for me.

Welcome to the world, little Justis!

It was exactly a week ago that I gave birth to our second little one, Justis Juho Lee, on July 21, 2012 at 1:00 p.m., Credit Valley Hospital, with the help of a team of midwives and my wonderful husband. He was born 7 lbs 2 oz, a good pound and a half heavier than his older sister.

And wow, what a week it has been since. The theme word for the week would most definitely have to be gratitude. Gratitude for the relatively easy labour and delivery (relative in the sense that labour is never easy), gratitude for the health of Justis, gratitude for the love and support we have gotten from our friends and family (thank you for the visits and the gifts!), gratitude for Chloe’s instant love for her brother (one week has passed and she hasn’t shown any signs of jealousy yet!), gratitude for power naps and moments of silence to myself, gratitude for a speedy recovery, gratitude for our parents who have provided help in any way they can, gratitude for my husband who has been my best cheerleader, and gratitude for the confidence of being a mother the second time around…

Not that it’s all been a walk in the park (my brain felt fried on night 2 and 3 with a total lack of sleep between the wee hours of 1:00 and 6:00 am, baby attached to me the whole time... thankfully the cluster feeding ended by night 4 and on *cross my fingers*), but so much of what I thought might be really hard has proved not to be so. I.e. I thought Chloe would have a really hard time transitioning and that we’d have to very wisely divide our attention between them, pretending to not really care for Justis, but as it turns out, Chloe actually wants me to feed Justis and hold him when he’s crying and is so excited to wake up to see her brother each morning. Or, I was worried that one kid would wake up the other kid during his/her nap and that I’d never get a solid block of time to myself, but so far Chloe’s naps have gone unscathed…

…Well, at least for this week. Who knows what the next few days or weeks or months hold, but right now, I want to focus on the goodness of this past week. And I want to intentionally direct all of this gratitude to our God, who I know has been by my side through every moment. Even if this week sucked, I know I would have so much reason to thank Him, but all the more so because it has been full of unexpected treats. Like my neighbour offering to babysit Chloe for an hour while I nap, or being able to go for an aromatherapy massage today (heavenly!). Thank you, Lord!

And welcome to the world, little Justis!

Why don't you just fall asleep?!

Dear Chloe,

Tonight, you are really really frustrating me... you fell asleep in the car on the way home, so Daddy and I were excited to have a good couple hours to watch some TV and enjoy some down time, but I guess you had other plans for us.

You went into the crib pretty easy -- deceivingly easy -- so I thought a few pat-pats and maybe 5 minutes, 10 minutes max of standing over you while you settled into the crib would be all you needed. Your stuffy nose is also deceiving because it sounds like you are breathing hard, the way you do when your drifting into deep sleep, but it's just as likely that you're just trying to breathe through all the snot. Anyway, I tried to leave the room at 10 minutes, but as soon as you heard the door close, you cried out for me. So back to sitting next to the crib... another 10 minutes. You then really seemed like you were asleep, so I tiptoed downstairs... we turned on the TV, but not even 5 minutes into the show, I hear you wail for me. UGH.

Daddy could easily see my frustration so he took the next shift. He was upstairs with you, doing pretty much the same routine, trying to leave at 5 minute intervals, only to have you stop him. Then he came down 20 minutes later, and again, 2 minutes into the TV show and you cry for us.

Long story short, we came home an hour and a half ago and have yet to sit down together to watch something. He's still up there while I'm trying to blow off some steam by writing this letter that you may read one day and hopefully give us a sincere apology. UGHHHHHHHH! (we love you.)

[note to anyone who would like to leave a comment about sleep training: please don't. We have tried and have read about it and know all that is involved, and we appreciate that it may have worked for you, but it hasn't worked out so smoothly for our little Chloe. We have good nights (10 minutes and she's out nights) and bad nights like tonight. We are doing what we can...]

There's nothing like the feeling of finishing your exams...

Observation #18: One of the few upsides of writing exams is the huge relief/satisfaction/sense of "freeeedom!!!" you get after you're done.

It's like you have to go through the stress/anxiety/impending sense of doom (a little dramatic, I know, but I'm guessing you keeners who want to get that gold star A+ from their TA will know what I'm talking about) to be able to enjoy the equally strong feelings of liberation ("I don't have to look at those notes ever again!") and relief. Being out of school for the last couple of years, I had forgotten about what that all felt like.

I was reminded again though, with the two exams I just finished this past week. You see, I'm in school once again. I was looking at different career options/work opportunities given my new status as a mother, and decided that I wanted to pursue something that would give me a balance between my interests/career ambitions/training (namely, something in the social work field) and being able to be there for my child(ren in the future?) on a more than after-full-time-work basis. And fortunately our family situation is such that we can afford that option of me not working full-time at the moment, which I know is not the case for everyone. So I gave it some thought and decided that getting TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language) certification so that I can teach in the government-funded ESL programs (aka LINC) was a good option for me because it would place me in a social-work-related field of working with immigrants (which is in demand in Mississauga where I live), marry my passion for the English language, and also give me the option of working part-time, which are how most LINC instructor postings are structured. And the pay is great! Plus, I also have my academic paper editing business on the side. I think I'll post about that another day. Anyway, I have 7 courses in total to finish. 2 down, 5 more to go!

But I digress from my original observation... yes, my first semester is over and the exams are finished! I feel like I'm a high school student on summer break again! I want to stay up all night watching korean dramas or something, but then I must remember I have a 15 month old who won't let me sleep in... so maybe I don't really feel like a high school student... Anyway, I am happy.

Each day holds so much potential

Observation #17: So much can be learned, discovered, forgotten, acted upon, or wasted in a day.

This truth has never been as clear to me as it is now as a mother of a rapidly-growing baby. It's amazing to see how much change you can see in Chloe in a matter of days. And when we meet with a friend who is but a few months older, I'm amazed at what we have in store and often can't imagine Chloe doing some of the things that her 3-month senior is doing. But lo and behold, she hits those milestones -- sometimes a few weeks sooner or later than her peers, but I'm learning that is a-okay...

For instance, Chloe started walking about 5 weeks ago, at around 14 months. I can honestly say that about 7 weeks ago, we were all "When is she gonna finally walk? What if she isn't walking by October (she has to be a flower girl for her Aunt Sarah!)? Why is it taking so long?" and here we are just over a month later, and she'd rather go where she wants rather than be carried around.

But even in the day to day, there are new words being learned and new connections being made about what goes with what or what kind of response she can expect from mommy and daddy when she spits her food out (my biggest pet peeve!) or asks for a kiss. Each day holds so much potential.

And as true as it is that some of that physical and cognitive change comes more slowly as we age, I don't think that observation holds any less truth for me today, as a 28-year old woman. Each day can still hold the potential to bring about change in my life, or I can just waste it away being stagnant... Some days, I have to confess, the status quo sounds fine to me. But other days, Chloe inspires me in the ways she surprises me (like today, she learned to say "thank you"!).


Chloe at 14.5 months