Welcome to the world, little Justis!

It was exactly a week ago that I gave birth to our second little one, Justis Juho Lee, on July 21, 2012 at 1:00 p.m., Credit Valley Hospital, with the help of a team of midwives and my wonderful husband. He was born 7 lbs 2 oz, a good pound and a half heavier than his older sister.

And wow, what a week it has been since. The theme word for the week would most definitely have to be gratitude. Gratitude for the relatively easy labour and delivery (relative in the sense that labour is never easy), gratitude for the health of Justis, gratitude for the love and support we have gotten from our friends and family (thank you for the visits and the gifts!), gratitude for Chloe’s instant love for her brother (one week has passed and she hasn’t shown any signs of jealousy yet!), gratitude for power naps and moments of silence to myself, gratitude for a speedy recovery, gratitude for our parents who have provided help in any way they can, gratitude for my husband who has been my best cheerleader, and gratitude for the confidence of being a mother the second time around…

Not that it’s all been a walk in the park (my brain felt fried on night 2 and 3 with a total lack of sleep between the wee hours of 1:00 and 6:00 am, baby attached to me the whole time... thankfully the cluster feeding ended by night 4 and on *cross my fingers*), but so much of what I thought might be really hard has proved not to be so. I.e. I thought Chloe would have a really hard time transitioning and that we’d have to very wisely divide our attention between them, pretending to not really care for Justis, but as it turns out, Chloe actually wants me to feed Justis and hold him when he’s crying and is so excited to wake up to see her brother each morning. Or, I was worried that one kid would wake up the other kid during his/her nap and that I’d never get a solid block of time to myself, but so far Chloe’s naps have gone unscathed…

…Well, at least for this week. Who knows what the next few days or weeks or months hold, but right now, I want to focus on the goodness of this past week. And I want to intentionally direct all of this gratitude to our God, who I know has been by my side through every moment. Even if this week sucked, I know I would have so much reason to thank Him, but all the more so because it has been full of unexpected treats. Like my neighbour offering to babysit Chloe for an hour while I nap, or being able to go for an aromatherapy massage today (heavenly!). Thank you, Lord!

And welcome to the world, little Justis!

Why don't you just fall asleep?!

Dear Chloe,

Tonight, you are really really frustrating me... you fell asleep in the car on the way home, so Daddy and I were excited to have a good couple hours to watch some TV and enjoy some down time, but I guess you had other plans for us.

You went into the crib pretty easy -- deceivingly easy -- so I thought a few pat-pats and maybe 5 minutes, 10 minutes max of standing over you while you settled into the crib would be all you needed. Your stuffy nose is also deceiving because it sounds like you are breathing hard, the way you do when your drifting into deep sleep, but it's just as likely that you're just trying to breathe through all the snot. Anyway, I tried to leave the room at 10 minutes, but as soon as you heard the door close, you cried out for me. So back to sitting next to the crib... another 10 minutes. You then really seemed like you were asleep, so I tiptoed downstairs... we turned on the TV, but not even 5 minutes into the show, I hear you wail for me. UGH.

Daddy could easily see my frustration so he took the next shift. He was upstairs with you, doing pretty much the same routine, trying to leave at 5 minute intervals, only to have you stop him. Then he came down 20 minutes later, and again, 2 minutes into the TV show and you cry for us.

Long story short, we came home an hour and a half ago and have yet to sit down together to watch something. He's still up there while I'm trying to blow off some steam by writing this letter that you may read one day and hopefully give us a sincere apology. UGHHHHHHHH! (we love you.)

[note to anyone who would like to leave a comment about sleep training: please don't. We have tried and have read about it and know all that is involved, and we appreciate that it may have worked for you, but it hasn't worked out so smoothly for our little Chloe. We have good nights (10 minutes and she's out nights) and bad nights like tonight. We are doing what we can...]

There's nothing like the feeling of finishing your exams...

Observation #18: One of the few upsides of writing exams is the huge relief/satisfaction/sense of "freeeedom!!!" you get after you're done.

It's like you have to go through the stress/anxiety/impending sense of doom (a little dramatic, I know, but I'm guessing you keeners who want to get that gold star A+ from their TA will know what I'm talking about) to be able to enjoy the equally strong feelings of liberation ("I don't have to look at those notes ever again!") and relief. Being out of school for the last couple of years, I had forgotten about what that all felt like.

I was reminded again though, with the two exams I just finished this past week. You see, I'm in school once again. I was looking at different career options/work opportunities given my new status as a mother, and decided that I wanted to pursue something that would give me a balance between my interests/career ambitions/training (namely, something in the social work field) and being able to be there for my child(ren in the future?) on a more than after-full-time-work basis. And fortunately our family situation is such that we can afford that option of me not working full-time at the moment, which I know is not the case for everyone. So I gave it some thought and decided that getting TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language) certification so that I can teach in the government-funded ESL programs (aka LINC) was a good option for me because it would place me in a social-work-related field of working with immigrants (which is in demand in Mississauga where I live), marry my passion for the English language, and also give me the option of working part-time, which are how most LINC instructor postings are structured. And the pay is great! Plus, I also have my academic paper editing business on the side. I think I'll post about that another day. Anyway, I have 7 courses in total to finish. 2 down, 5 more to go!

But I digress from my original observation... yes, my first semester is over and the exams are finished! I feel like I'm a high school student on summer break again! I want to stay up all night watching korean dramas or something, but then I must remember I have a 15 month old who won't let me sleep in... so maybe I don't really feel like a high school student... Anyway, I am happy.

Each day holds so much potential

Observation #17: So much can be learned, discovered, forgotten, acted upon, or wasted in a day.

This truth has never been as clear to me as it is now as a mother of a rapidly-growing baby. It's amazing to see how much change you can see in Chloe in a matter of days. And when we meet with a friend who is but a few months older, I'm amazed at what we have in store and often can't imagine Chloe doing some of the things that her 3-month senior is doing. But lo and behold, she hits those milestones -- sometimes a few weeks sooner or later than her peers, but I'm learning that is a-okay...

For instance, Chloe started walking about 5 weeks ago, at around 14 months. I can honestly say that about 7 weeks ago, we were all "When is she gonna finally walk? What if she isn't walking by October (she has to be a flower girl for her Aunt Sarah!)? Why is it taking so long?" and here we are just over a month later, and she'd rather go where she wants rather than be carried around.

But even in the day to day, there are new words being learned and new connections being made about what goes with what or what kind of response she can expect from mommy and daddy when she spits her food out (my biggest pet peeve!) or asks for a kiss. Each day holds so much potential.

And as true as it is that some of that physical and cognitive change comes more slowly as we age, I don't think that observation holds any less truth for me today, as a 28-year old woman. Each day can still hold the potential to bring about change in my life, or I can just waste it away being stagnant... Some days, I have to confess, the status quo sounds fine to me. But other days, Chloe inspires me in the ways she surprises me (like today, she learned to say "thank you"!).


Chloe at 14.5 months

My baby journey over the last 8 months...

I haven't updated in a long time and so much has happened since! It's too much to put into words so here it is in pictures.



















Pregnant! Probably around 9 months here. My relatively small bump was a sign of the small baby that was to come.













Chloe Joowon Lee, Born May 13, 2010 at 9:11 p.m. 5 lb 11 oz (2.545 kg), 49 cm. Kevin was an awesome partner during the whole labour process!











May (Week 1/2). still a beloved skinny alien. ;)
















May (Week 2)... pre-3 week growth spurt. Kevin and I were still learning the ropes. My mom was such a big help during these 3 weeks, cooking, taking care of Chloe while I napped, being a friend.










June (Week 3). Post-growth spurt. Became a little michelin baby!

















July (2 months). Was smilier and more responsive.

















August (3 months). Started to hold her head up better.












August (3 months). 100 day party. A baby milestone in Korean culture.

September (4 months). With some of her biggest fans. :)



















More Month 4.











October (5 months). Our first family retreat. Chloe did splendidly and we got to join in on most of the worship and programs.


October Thanksgiving weekend (5 months). New York Trip! First airplane ride and visit to the Big Apple.


October (5 months). Got a head start on solids. First spoon-fed meal: Rice cereal. Daddy finally got to get in on the action with feeding.


October (5 months). Chloe's first Halloween!



More Month 5.


November (6 months). Got all dressed up for Linda and Danny's wedding.


November (6 months). Fall colours with mommy and daddy.












December (7 months). Became so much more active and alert. Fully able to laugh, sit, express her likes and dislikes.

I'll miss you, Yonge Street Mission!

Observation #16: You know you're spoiled silly when you get three different baby showers at work.

I know just how lucky I am to be able to say with utter honesty, "I love my job!" I don't have any hard stats on this, but it seems like the majority of people I know think of their job as just a job and not necessarily a place of fulfillment or community. It's the place they go to get their pay checks, and the other spheres of life are where that fulfillment is found. Which is totally understandable as well, and I expect that at one point I'll be holding a job like that too.

But I must say, my work at Yonge Street Mission during the past two years was not "just a job". Maybe quoting you what we're asked to agree to during our Staff Consecration will give you a better idea of what I'm talking about...

"Charge to: Jennifer Yoon. In joining the staff of Yonge Street Mission you have entered into a special calling. In becoming a member of this Christian faith community, you have agreed to demonstrate God's love, peace and justice to people living in economic, social and spiritual poverty in Toronto. Do you recognize that this is the vocation God has chosen for you at this particular phase of your life? Do you commit to upholding the values of God's Kingdom through this ministry? Do you acknowledge that every person is created in the image of God and has inherent value and dignity? Will you maintain a healthy lifestyle that includes the development of spiritual disciplines?

If this is your desire, then respond with a resounding 'YES!' "

To which, of course, I did respond resoundingly.

My work with the seniors and adults in the community of Regent Park/Moss Park and St. Jamestown has stretched me, challenged me, spoiled me (I repeat, 3 separate baby showers! One from the seniors, one from our adult drop in called "New Hope Fellowship", one from the staff. Not to mention the bridal shower I got last year...) and taught me much about being in community. It was also amazing to work in a Christian organization that nurtured my faith, as well as made me ask new questions about my faith journey. My coworkers are the kindest, most warm-hearted people you'll meet and I've learned a lot from each of them. I'll miss everyone!

The long commute is what I won't miss, which is also why I won't be returning to work after my maternity leave, but as I've heard often around the Mission, "no one really ever leaves the Mission." My heart and prayers will be with YSM!

not being able to sleep...

Observation #15: Having a cold + Being 31 weeks pregnant = no sleep

I've very rarely had trouble sleeping and have been told by so many that I should enjoy my sleep now (since it'll be greatly lacking in about 9 weeks), but here I am, up at midnight not able to shut my brain off. The combination of a stuffy nose, sore throat and increasing discomfort to my back no matter which way I lie down means I'd rather be up than trying to coax sleep to visit me... it's been two nights now that I haven't been able to rest the way I want to, but hopefully this will be the last night.

Thank goodness I have tomorrow off, which means I can sleep in. Though at the same time, it's sad to think I only have 2 more weeks of work left... So many changes will be happening in the next few months. I'll have to blog about that another day.

Well, I guess I'll just surf around the net for random things until my eyelids can't stay up anymore. I hope that's soon...