Why don't you just fall asleep?!

Dear Chloe,

Tonight, you are really really frustrating me... you fell asleep in the car on the way home, so Daddy and I were excited to have a good couple hours to watch some TV and enjoy some down time, but I guess you had other plans for us.

You went into the crib pretty easy -- deceivingly easy -- so I thought a few pat-pats and maybe 5 minutes, 10 minutes max of standing over you while you settled into the crib would be all you needed. Your stuffy nose is also deceiving because it sounds like you are breathing hard, the way you do when your drifting into deep sleep, but it's just as likely that you're just trying to breathe through all the snot. Anyway, I tried to leave the room at 10 minutes, but as soon as you heard the door close, you cried out for me. So back to sitting next to the crib... another 10 minutes. You then really seemed like you were asleep, so I tiptoed downstairs... we turned on the TV, but not even 5 minutes into the show, I hear you wail for me. UGH.

Daddy could easily see my frustration so he took the next shift. He was upstairs with you, doing pretty much the same routine, trying to leave at 5 minute intervals, only to have you stop him. Then he came down 20 minutes later, and again, 2 minutes into the TV show and you cry for us.

Long story short, we came home an hour and a half ago and have yet to sit down together to watch something. He's still up there while I'm trying to blow off some steam by writing this letter that you may read one day and hopefully give us a sincere apology. UGHHHHHHHH! (we love you.)

[note to anyone who would like to leave a comment about sleep training: please don't. We have tried and have read about it and know all that is involved, and we appreciate that it may have worked for you, but it hasn't worked out so smoothly for our little Chloe. We have good nights (10 minutes and she's out nights) and bad nights like tonight. We are doing what we can...]

There's nothing like the feeling of finishing your exams...

Observation #18: One of the few upsides of writing exams is the huge relief/satisfaction/sense of "freeeedom!!!" you get after you're done.

It's like you have to go through the stress/anxiety/impending sense of doom (a little dramatic, I know, but I'm guessing you keeners who want to get that gold star A+ from their TA will know what I'm talking about) to be able to enjoy the equally strong feelings of liberation ("I don't have to look at those notes ever again!") and relief. Being out of school for the last couple of years, I had forgotten about what that all felt like.

I was reminded again though, with the two exams I just finished this past week. You see, I'm in school once again. I was looking at different career options/work opportunities given my new status as a mother, and decided that I wanted to pursue something that would give me a balance between my interests/career ambitions/training (namely, something in the social work field) and being able to be there for my child(ren in the future?) on a more than after-full-time-work basis. And fortunately our family situation is such that we can afford that option of me not working full-time at the moment, which I know is not the case for everyone. So I gave it some thought and decided that getting TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language) certification so that I can teach in the government-funded ESL programs (aka LINC) was a good option for me because it would place me in a social-work-related field of working with immigrants (which is in demand in Mississauga where I live), marry my passion for the English language, and also give me the option of working part-time, which are how most LINC instructor postings are structured. And the pay is great! Plus, I also have my academic paper editing business on the side. I think I'll post about that another day. Anyway, I have 7 courses in total to finish. 2 down, 5 more to go!

But I digress from my original observation... yes, my first semester is over and the exams are finished! I feel like I'm a high school student on summer break again! I want to stay up all night watching korean dramas or something, but then I must remember I have a 15 month old who won't let me sleep in... so maybe I don't really feel like a high school student... Anyway, I am happy.

Each day holds so much potential

Observation #17: So much can be learned, discovered, forgotten, acted upon, or wasted in a day.

This truth has never been as clear to me as it is now as a mother of a rapidly-growing baby. It's amazing to see how much change you can see in Chloe in a matter of days. And when we meet with a friend who is but a few months older, I'm amazed at what we have in store and often can't imagine Chloe doing some of the things that her 3-month senior is doing. But lo and behold, she hits those milestones -- sometimes a few weeks sooner or later than her peers, but I'm learning that is a-okay...

For instance, Chloe started walking about 5 weeks ago, at around 14 months. I can honestly say that about 7 weeks ago, we were all "When is she gonna finally walk? What if she isn't walking by October (she has to be a flower girl for her Aunt Sarah!)? Why is it taking so long?" and here we are just over a month later, and she'd rather go where she wants rather than be carried around.

But even in the day to day, there are new words being learned and new connections being made about what goes with what or what kind of response she can expect from mommy and daddy when she spits her food out (my biggest pet peeve!) or asks for a kiss. Each day holds so much potential.

And as true as it is that some of that physical and cognitive change comes more slowly as we age, I don't think that observation holds any less truth for me today, as a 28-year old woman. Each day can still hold the potential to bring about change in my life, or I can just waste it away being stagnant... Some days, I have to confess, the status quo sounds fine to me. But other days, Chloe inspires me in the ways she surprises me (like today, she learned to say "thank you"!).


Chloe at 14.5 months

My baby journey over the last 8 months...

I haven't updated in a long time and so much has happened since! It's too much to put into words so here it is in pictures.



















Pregnant! Probably around 9 months here. My relatively small bump was a sign of the small baby that was to come.













Chloe Joowon Lee, Born May 13, 2010 at 9:11 p.m. 5 lb 11 oz (2.545 kg), 49 cm. Kevin was an awesome partner during the whole labour process!











May (Week 1/2). still a beloved skinny alien. ;)
















May (Week 2)... pre-3 week growth spurt. Kevin and I were still learning the ropes. My mom was such a big help during these 3 weeks, cooking, taking care of Chloe while I napped, being a friend.










June (Week 3). Post-growth spurt. Became a little michelin baby!

















July (2 months). Was smilier and more responsive.

















August (3 months). Started to hold her head up better.












August (3 months). 100 day party. A baby milestone in Korean culture.

September (4 months). With some of her biggest fans. :)



















More Month 4.











October (5 months). Our first family retreat. Chloe did splendidly and we got to join in on most of the worship and programs.


October Thanksgiving weekend (5 months). New York Trip! First airplane ride and visit to the Big Apple.


October (5 months). Got a head start on solids. First spoon-fed meal: Rice cereal. Daddy finally got to get in on the action with feeding.


October (5 months). Chloe's first Halloween!



More Month 5.


November (6 months). Got all dressed up for Linda and Danny's wedding.


November (6 months). Fall colours with mommy and daddy.












December (7 months). Became so much more active and alert. Fully able to laugh, sit, express her likes and dislikes.